Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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