mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
