I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
