We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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