Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
