my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
