who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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