OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
