i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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