Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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