I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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