Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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