covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
