Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
