just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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