I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
