My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Is this like a preordered booty call?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
