He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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