i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
