im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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