A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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