Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
