I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
