I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
