I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
