Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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