There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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