I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Panties = found
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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