I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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