The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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