I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
