I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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