Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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