THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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