just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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