Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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