so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
