You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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