If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
