you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
