You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
