Non-Jews are for practice
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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