You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
