Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
