easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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