Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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