Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
