You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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