Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the day after is always just damage control
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
