dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
