It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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