I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
