I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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