the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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