it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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