You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
