drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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